Parents who use full-time child care sometimes worry that their babies will feel more love for the child care provider than they feel for the parents. When your baby calls another woman “Mama,” you may feel hurt, jealous, guilty, or confused. Research shows that infants in child care do form strong bonds of love with caregivers. Your infant uses the caregiver much as she uses you: to calm fears and to feel secure. But research also shows that caregivers do not replace the parents. Some of the research was done in communal towns in Israel, where babies live and sleep in special infant houses with trained caregivers and only see their parents for about three hours every evening. Even in this extreme case, babies were more strongly attached to their parents than their caregivers. Babies form these same strong attachments to adoptive parents, too.

The research is clear: Your child care provider doesn’t compete with you. He or she helps you raise your baby but never replaces you. From your baby’s point of view, having a strong attachment to the child care provider is good. Your baby feels secure and loved in every place she spends time, both at home and in child care. If your baby calls the child care teacher “Mama” by mistake, you can tell yourself, “How nice! My baby feels safe and loved by her teacher.” You’ll also know that no one can replace you.

This newsletter gives equal space and time to both sexes. If we write him or her, we are talking about all babies. Every baby is different. Normal children may do things earlier or later than described in this FAQ. This FAQ describes typical children at each age. Each child is special and develops at his or her own pace.