Your child understands many things you say and may even be able to say a few words. Your baby cannot think ahead about what might happen and can only decide between the most basic choices. This means you have a challenge ahead. You have to help your baby learn rules so she can learn to manage her own behavior. Here are some easy ways to do this:
* Be brief. Your child understands short, simple phrases.
* Give reasons for rules. Long, involved explanations won’t help.
* Be clear. Your baby can understand the difference between standing in the high chair and not standing. She may be confused if the rule is, “Standing in the chair is O.K. when I am next to you but not O.K. if I’m across the room.” For now, make simple rules such as: Yes and no; O.K. and not O.K.; you can do it or not do it.
* Be specific. Tell your child what she can do and what she can’t. If your baby is throwing blocks, tell her “Blocks are not for throwing. Stack the blocks like this.” Be ready to take her away from the blocks if she does not stop throwing them. Or you could give her a soft toy that you think is O.K. to throw. This focuses on positive rather than negative behavior.
* Be consistent. At this age, a child cannot adjust to differences in rules set by parents or by child care providers. Don’t forbid an activity like jumping on the bed one minute and allow it the next. It’s good to be flexible sometimes, but most of the time, decide what you want the rules to be and be firm about them.
* Admit feelings. Sometimes children do things that make parents angry. When you feel angry, admit it. Don’t make your baby feel like a bad person just because she did something bad, and don’t scare her. Say in a firm voice, “I’m really mad that you did that.” Remember it’s what she DID, not her, that you’re angry about. She will understand how you feel. When you admit your anger without yelling, calling names, or hitting, you are teaching her how to deal with her own angry feelings. She will learn how to express anger without hurting others.
* Lighten up. See the humor in things. Don’t make an issue out of everything. Instead choose your battles wisely, and relax about the rest.

This newsletter gives equal space and time to both sexes. If we write him or her, we are talking about all babies. Every baby is different. Normal children may do things earlier or later than described in this FAQ. This FAQ describes typical children at each age. Each child is special and develops at his or her own pace.