FAQ #26381

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My baby cries every time I try to enforce limits with her. Am I doing the right thing setting these limits?

Related resource areas: Parenting

At this age, discipline is simple. It means loving care and guidance. The key is reward. Many parents pay attention to their children’s behavior only when it upsets them. This teaches a child that attention only comes when she does something bad. Reward your baby with your loving attention when she plays well. Don't become a parent who notices his child only when she has done something wrong. Notice the good times, and give your baby a smile, a laugh, or a hug. Your attention is your baby’s best reward. Use it to encourage good, not bad, behavior. Prevent situations where your baby might do something you don't like. Move the TV control to a higher shelf. Put a gate at the stairs. If your baby does something you don’t like, think of ways you could keep it from happening again. Create a trouble-free environment. Ignore behavior that is annoying but not harmful. If your baby pulls everything out of your sock drawer, just take a deep breath and ignore it. If you pay too much attention, it teaches your baby to do things like this to get attention from you. Save “no!” for times when your baby’s safety is in danger. Distract or redirect your baby from things you don't want her to have or do. If she has your keys and you need them, don't just grab them. Instead, interest her in another toy or activity. Your baby will let go of the keys then.

It's easier to get a baby started on something else than to take something away from her. Provide freedom within limits. Your baby needs freedom to explore, but she also needs limits. You need good judgment to provide both. For example, your baby cannot go into the bathroom when you’re not with her; shut the door to the bathroom. Babies kept in playpens or high chairs for much of the day don't have enough freedom. They miss opportunities to learn. They don’t get a chance to move and exercise. Your baby needs freedom on the floor to safely explore. Your baby may cry about the limits you have set. You may be tempted to give in to her demands. Keep in mind that setting limits is necessary for your child's safety. Say, “I know you are angry, but you are safe. I would rather have you cry because you are angry than because you are hurt.” You can set limits while giving your baby freedom to explore and to grow. Make the area where your baby plays as safe as possible. Stick to the limits and be firm in your guidance. Offer your baby safe activities to do.

This newsletter gives equal space and time to both sexes. If we write him or her, we are talking about all babies. Every baby is different. Normal children may do things earlier or later than described in this FAQ. This FAQ describes typical children at each age. Each child is special and develops at his or her own pace.

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