Thinking often about the person you’ve cared for after her death is not unusual, especially since she was a significant part of your life for many years. Your daily routine revolved around your friend, and now without her your daily routine has to be changed. Adjusting that routine emphasizes the loss of your friend. In addition, the loss of a close friend or someone you’ve cared for can bring additional emotions.

It's not unusual for caregivers to ask themselves if they could have done more or to wonder if they had done more or done something differently would it change the outcome. Consider carefully the care you provided to your friend over the years. Was the care given with compassion? Were you reliable? Did your friend feel safe and comfortable with you? If you can answer “yes” to these questions, without expecting perfection, then it’s best to stop questioning the care you provided.

If there were times when you weren’t as patient as you would have liked, or when you feel that you let your friend down, forgive yourself and move on. Know that you did what you could and appreciate the help you provided your friend. Focus on what you did for your friend that made a positive difference in her life rather than on what you wish you had done. If this is difficult, consider seeking the help of a professional who can help you sort through your feelings.

For more information on grief and loss, visit: http://www.extension.org/pages/Loss_and_Grief.

You might also see:
"Caregiving and Loss" (2001) edited by Kenneth J. Doka and Joyce D. Davidson

"Caregiving: The Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss, and Renewal" (1999) by: Beth Witrogen McLeod