At this time, expressing your grief and reaching out to your friend is important. Initially, listening is probably the greatest gift you can give her. Let her know that she is important to you and that you’re willing to be there for her. Do not hesitate to speak her husband’s name or to talk about him. Let her know how much he meant to you and to others.

If you think it’s appropriate, ask how you might help organize activities related to the funeral or memorial service. Avoid offering advice. Instead, guide her gently and help her think of options as she makes decisions. You might help with activities such as:

*Contacting your friend’s spiritual leader.

*Notifying extended family, friends, and business associates of the death and funeral arrangements/memorial service.

*Arranging overnight stays for guests; deciding who will meet those arriving at the airport.

*Listing tasks that need to be completed, including running errands, making purchases, and making phone calls.

*Preparing and/or coordinating food for guests.

You may wish to help organize a system for keeping track of acts of kindness from family and friends. Note who brought food and flowers. Keep track of phone calls with expressions of grief. Organize cards.

The weeks and months to come will likely be very lonely and demanding. Continue to keep in contact with her; your friendship can help significantly as she copes during this difficult time.

For more information on grief and loss, visit: http://www.extension.org/pages/Loss_and_Grief.

For more information, read:

"Is There Anything I Can Do? Helping a Friend When Times are Tough" (1994) by Sol Gordon