Explaining death to a child depends on the child's age and her understanding of death. But most of all, be truthful with the facts and provide an atmosphere in which the child feels comfortable asking questions and feels loved.

In helping children understand and cope with death, they need the truth, consistency, acceptance, and reassurance. No matter the age, the best way to deal with children when discussing the death of a loved one is honesty. Talk to your daughter in a language that she can understand. Listen and try to understand what she is NOT saying, as well as what she IS saying.

Encourage your daughter to ask questions, and give her honest, simple answers that can be understood. Children tend to be very literal, so don't provide false explanations, such as "Grandpa has gone to sleep forever." This may lead the child to fear that if she falls asleep she may never wake up. Or, "Your classmate Michael was sick and went to the hospital, where he died." The child should be told that there are "big" and "little" sicknesses. Otherwise, she may be extremely fearful of hospitals and assume everyone who goes to one will die.

Reassure the child that you will be there for her. If she wants to be part of the family rituals, be sure to prepare her beforehand about what to expect. Do not force her to do anything that makes her feel uncomfortable.

Your daughter will ask questions when she wants to know more or doesn't understand what you have told her. Asking questions is the way children learn about life. When responding to questions again, consider the child's age and her ability to understand complex ideas. Respond with words she understands and, if possible, use examples from her past, such as losing a pet, a plant dying, or other losses in her life. Some children may find the use of creative expressions helpful, including writing about the person, drawing pictures, listening to music, and creating a ritual or memorial to the deceased.

Let your daughter be creative in expressing her grief and loss. For some children, reading books about death helps them understand death and the reality that their loved one is not going to come back.

For more information, visit: http://www.extension.org/pages/Loss_and_Grief.

You may also find additional suggestions on ways to explain death to children from the Hospice Foundation of America at:
http://www.hospicefoundation.org/griefAndLoss/helpingChild.asp or http://www.hospicefoundation.org/griefAndLoss/myths_children.asp.