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Tips for Parents: Praise Effort, But Don´t Expect Same From Siblings

Last Updated: July 25, 2007

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A Kansas State extension specialist advises encouraging each child to develop his or her own talents and interests. If siblings have the same interests, but not the same talents, level the playing field by recognizing effort.


Released July 23, 2007

MANHATTAN, Kan. - Following an older brother or sister in school need not cause younger siblings anxious moments, said Charles A. "Chuck" Smith, Kansas State University Research and Extension child development specialist.

Every child will have his own personality, said Smith, who explained that by the time a child reaches the third grade, he or she will be intellectually developed enough to compare themselves to others, including brothers and sisters.

"It's normal for kids to compete," said Smith, who advised parents to view each child as an individual.

"Look for talents and interests and encourage each child to develop them", he said.

If siblings have the same interests, but not the same talents, Smith suggests leveling the playing field by recognizing effort. Here´s an example: Suppose an older brother loves football, is a naturally gifted athlete and excels in the game. His younger brother, who also loves the game but is not a gifted athlete, joins the team. The less gifted member of the family works harder than his older brother, but does not experience comparable success.

"It´s not fair to base an evaluation of one child on other´s performances," said Smith, who reminded parents that natural gifts or talents do not necessarily predict long-term success.

"In life, a child who is gifted but not had to put forth much effort may not fare as well as a child who has had to try harder to succeed," he said.

More information on child development and family life is available at county and district K-State Research and Extension offices and on Smith´s Web site http://www.k-state.edu/wwparent/.

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http://www.oznet.ksu.edu/news/sty/2007/praise_effort072307.htm

Contacts: Charles Smith, (785) 532-5773, casmith@ksu.edu

Nancy Peterson, nancyp@oznet.ksu.edu

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