Released Feb. 19, 2008
STILLWATER, Okla. – As a child grows and expands his horizons, he will often encounter new people. These encounters could turn into life-long friendships.
It is important for parents to be involved in a child’s life. This includes being interested in their child’s friends starting in the early years, said Debbie Richardson, Oklahoma State University Cooperative Extension Service parenting assistant specialist.
“When your children are younger, it’s likely that their friends are children of your friends or children they meet in a child care setting. But as the children get older, their exposure to other people greatly increases and it’s not uncommon for children to have friends whom the parents don’t know. Keep in mind that developing new friendships helps your children learn social skills that will go with them throughout their lives.”
Arranging opportunities to be involved and observe a child’s friends and interactions is essential. Parents should encourage their child to join school or church activities, become a volunteer, join a hobby group or sports are ways to develop new friendships.
Richardson said parents should make the effort to get to know their children’s friends by inviting them to their home.
“Parents could plan a pizza party, host a game night or have a movie night where friends are invited,” she said. “As parents, make yourself available during the get-together, but don’t intrude on your children and their friends.”
Parents also can include friends in family outings such as a trip to the zoo, camping, fishing, bowling or an afternoon at a park.
“Just as you want to get to know your children’s friends, try to meet other parents when possible. Parents of the friends probably want to get to know your children as well,” Richardson said. “Allow your children to visit their friends’ homes, but you probably should accompany them on the first visit so you can meet the parents. Those parents will most likely appreciate the fact that you took the time to meet them. It also shows that you are involved in your children’s lives.”
Although it can be difficult at times, Richardson suggests not being too critical or judgmental of children’s friends. In some cases, children and teens can be more drawn to people parents criticize or attack personally. Try to find something positive to say about your children’s friends. Yet, when stated in a non-threatening manner, children can accept and respect parents’ concerns about a particular trait or behavior that is not acceptable.
It is important that parents take time and listen to their children talk about their friends and activities. Likewise, parents need to understand and respect their child’s individuality. Some children may be satisfied with just one or two good friends while others may like many friends.
Learning from the trials and errors experienced in friendships are essential to children’s emotional and social development.
“Developing lasting friendships is such an important part of growing up. As a parent, do what you can to help your children develop positive relationships,” she said. “There’s a good chance that some of those friendships will last a lifetime."
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Contact: Trisha Gedon, (405) 744-3625, trisha.gedon@okstate.edu
