Looking through a Lens

When I Just Don't Understand

So much goes on in our world these days that requires us to understand each other completely if we are to be effective in managing change in our lives.

In my experience working with people, I recognize that most of us were never told how our mind actually works to make sense out of our daily experiences. Instead, we just come to our own conclusions and think it's the only way to view a situation. And that can be risky, especially when we meet someone new or someone that has had a life-changing experience that we were unaware of.

Often, without recognizing it, we struggle with our own misperceptions about other people—our "lens" or the filters present in our thinking just pop up.

• What are the things that make up your lens?
• What influences how you interpret the actions of others?
• What causes the reaction you have towards the things they say, the way they say them, and the values and beliefs they are expressing?

The way we see our world and others behavior seems straightforward and accurate—but is it so?

When I Just Don't Understand and the Ladder of Inference

The "Ladder of Inference" (The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, Peter Senge, 1994) helps to simplify and understand the origin of our ideas and thinking. These are the "stories"we make up in our heads, and the ways in which we come to conclusions that can go "unquestioned."

The stages of how our individual "stories" are created in our minds is a fascinating journey.

To understand this fascinating journey for yourself, take a moment to think of someone you know fairly well and of a time recently that they said or did something that really surprised you AND that you came to some rather strong conclusions about. As you remember that situation, go through each of the steps below and notice how your thinking may have led you to some interesting (and maybe erroneous) conclusions.

Click the rungs of the ladder (starting at the bottom) to reveal information about how we infer.

This process of sorting information is normal and is the way that we make sense from our experiences. The tricky part is in reminding ourselves that events are inherently NEUTRAL and that our meanings, assumptions, conclusions, and beliefs are formulated first (and only) in the privacy of our own thinking process—we make them up as if they were real / true stories. We interpret and ascribe meaning and relevancy to all events. In short, we create much of our experience in the world by the way we think about it first in our head.

The important thing to remember is to question your interpretation, to challenge your individual thinking when it comes up, and then, ask some questions of others to better understand how they might be viewing the same situation but differently.

Remember, just because someone else doesn't share the same view on things as you do, it does not automatically make their view better or worse, right or wrong, nor does it make them bad for having a different view.

What's important is to focus on understanding together by listening to each other respectfully. The point of communicating effectively is to learn that people can still care about and love each other even when we don't agree. Understanding how we think about a problem is the first problem to examine.

The next time you notice yourself jumping to a quick conclusion or have a strong judgement about someone else, take a moment to examine how you might have come to that conclusion and what parts are really true for you or for them, and ask some questions—listening carefully to what is said and how you respond.

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