Released September 13, 2008
BALDWIN, WIS.--Parents today are more involved in their child's transition to college life than ever before.
"That's a good thing," says Joan Sprain, UW-Extension family living educator in St. Croix County, "but sometimes parents need to take a step back to give their child room to develop."
Parents who try too hard to help their college-age children can inadvertently become "helicopter parents"—trying to fight their child’s daily battles and generally being too involved.
This trend was first noted in the 1970s when colleges and universities reported that too much parental involvement could actually hinder a student's college experience. The resulting Family Education Rights and Privacy Act of 1974 says that schools may legally deal only with students—not their parents. For example, colleges can't reveal grades to parents without a student's permission and must work directly with students in matters such as arranging university-sponsored housing.
While college life is new and exciting for young people, many new students also feel homesick. And parents might find themselves not only missing their absent child, but also dealing with "empty nest" syndrome, especially if the student is an only child or the last to leave home.
Siblings aren't exempt from feeling the impact of a missing brother or sister, either. In fact, research suggests that the impact of a child leaving home to attend college affects every member of the family in different ways. "Siblings also have a sense of loss," says Sprain. "We recommend that parents plan special activities with the children who are still at home." One advantage for siblings still at home—they may reap extra attention from mom and dad.
Knowing how often to be in touch with a college-age child can be challenging for parents. "We suggest that parents talk with their child about what's most comfortable for them. The important thing is that parents and kids stay in touch. Students need to know that their family still cares about them," Sprain advises.
"Being in touch" today more often than not means communicating via e-mail or sending text messages. But students also appreciate more traditional communications. "A recent survey of college students revealed that students really liked getting cards and letters," says Sprain. Occasional "care packages" were also popular.
Sprain offers some tips for parents who are coping with the changes that affect the whole family when a child goes away to school.
- Acknowledge that this is a time of mixed emotions that you may not have anticipated. "The first two weeks to a month are usually the most challenging time for both students and parents," says Sprain.
- Be a "backbone" parent who is able to step back from the situation. If your child is homesick, let some time pass before you "rush to the rescue," Sprain says.
- Stay connected in whatever way works best for you and your child.
- Make sure your child knows that your door is always open.
- Help your child make healthy choices while away at school. "Research tells us that students remember their parents' values. For example, if parents are clear about how to be responsible when it comes to drinking, their child will most likely still drink, but not as much as students whose parents are overly permissive," says Sprain.
- Take care of yourself.
Sprain and UW-Extension colleagues recently developed an educational program on CD and DVD titled “Are You Ready? The College Transition,” available from the UW-Extension Learning Store at
http://learningstore.uwex.edu/Are-You-Ready-The-College-Transition-P1277C255.aspx The program is designed for educators who work with high school seniors in school or other organizational settings, but may also be of interest to parents.
For more information on helping families and students make the transition to college, contact your local county Extension office.
---30--
http://www.uwex.edu/news/2008/09/transition-to-college-life-brings-changes-for-the-whole-family
Contacts: Joan Sprain, 715-684-3301, joan.sprain@ces.uwex.edu
Meg Gores, (608) 262-4563
