Released December 13, 2008
LOGAN, Utah --- For some, the holidays bring sad feelings, particularly in contrast to the way things are “supposed” to be. The holidays can be especially difficult for those who have experienced the death of someone close to them and are facing the holidays for the first time without that person. Even after many years, that time can become another marker of how many holidays it has been since the person died. More than any other time, the holidays can be another reminder of the loss, since it is the time families are most often together. Many activities are too painful, or the person simply doesn’t feel like participating. Consider these tips for dealing with grief during the holidays.
• Discuss with family members how things will be different this year. Different can be okay. Talk about things you want to do and things you don’t want to participate in. Let family and friends know what you decide. Try and keep the days happy for those children around, but avoid setting your expectations too high for yourself. In addition to tiredness that can come with the holidays, grief can wear you out. Do the best you can.
• Realize that what you do the first year after your loss may not be what you do the following years. You may choose to renew some traditions and activities after time goes by. But it may be helpful to change things around — especially the first year. If you have always eaten a big meal at home, try going out. You may want to spend the day in a different place or in a different way.
• As you change traditions, start new ones. Begin personal rituals to commemorate the person’s life. If you live near enough, decorate your loved one’s grave with a holiday theme. Put up his or her favorite decoration in a special place in your home. Write a poem or letter to or about your loved one. Make a contribution in your loved one’s name to a worthy charity. Put an ornament on the tree that reminds you of him or her. Give a toast to your loved one at the holiday meal. Go around the table and share favorite memories of the loved one. You may still want to do things your loved one enjoyed. When others know that it is okay to talk about the deceased, they will likely participate. Talking about him or her can invite pleasant memories.
• For many, the anxiety about the coming holiday is worse than the actual holiday. You will probably shed tears, but you may also find joy in the day. You will never forget your loved one, but the holidays can become happier with each passing year.
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http://extension.usu.edu/htm/news/articleID=4085
Contact: Julene Reese, 435-797-0810, julener@ext.usu.edu.
