Grandparents worry about their grandchildren and often wonder if they will be able to develop healthy relationships after living in an unstable situation or environment. Healthy relationships are very important to a child's development and have long-lasting benefits. They can help shape a secure, well-adjusted child who is able to cope with life's ups and downs. Relationships with parents and grandparents, especially if the grandparents care for the child, are extremely important in development. Pivotal relationships, which a child forms with the most special people in his or her life, are called "attachments."
Children may form an attachment with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, babysitters and others. By the time a child is 18 months old, he or she usually has formed attachments with a few special people. Some of these attachments are secure and others are insecure.
What makes a secure attachment? A positive, or secure, relationship is sensitive, loving, stable, open, responsive, trustworthy, and affectionate. Healthy, or secure, relationships lead to healthy self-esteem, self-confidence, better learning in school, and good relationships with other children.
Insecure attachments or relationships might be characterized by insensitivity, lack of trust, instability, lack of availability, and inconsistency. Children who have insecure attachments may grow up to avoid close relationships, or feel confused and afraid of close friendships. Insecure, or unhealthy, attachments may cause a child to withdraw, lack curiosity, become easily frustrated, or to become angry and aggressive.
Children develop relationships in stages and along optimal, resilient or problematic pathways. Even though children may have poor relationships with their parents, they can develop good relationships with grandparents and others.
Grandparents caring for children can learn more about attachment by consulting the online publication, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Through the Eyes of a Child.
Author:
- Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph.D., Program Specialist in Aging, University of Wisconsin-Extension
