Transitions can be very difficult for children and their caregivers. For children being raised by grandparents, visits with parents can be confusing and stressful. To help make your grandchild’s visits with his or her parents as smooth as possible, consider the following:
- Encourage your grandchild’s parent(s) to maintain consistency in terms of your grandchild’s schedule and expectations for behavior.
- Prepare your grandchild for visits by explaining what will happen and when.
- Make sure your grandchild knows what to do if s/he feels scared or unsafe.
- Have your grandchild take an object (for example, stuffed animal, favorite toy, blanket, photo album) that is familiar and comforting along for visits.
- Have a back-up plan in case the parent cancels or does not show up for a visit.
- Create an activity bag (games, coloring books, toys) for your grandchild to take along on visits.
- Don’t put your grandchild in the middle of arguments or disagreements with his or her parents.
- Support your grandchild’s desire to spend time with his or her parents.
When your grandchild returns home, it may be important to
- Review the household rules when your grandchild returns from a visit.
- Reassure your grandchild that s/he will be returning to your home after the visit.
- Create a routine for when your grandchild returns home and be consistent in following this routine.
- Give your grandchild some “down time” after s/he returns from a visit. Don’t jump right into chores, errands, or other activities.
- Without being too pushy, encourage your grandchild to tell you about how the visit went and how they felt about it.
For additional information about helping grandchildren maintain relationships with their parents, download the University of Wisconsin-Extension publication Children's Contact With Their Parents from http://learningstore.uwex.edu/pdf/B3786-7.pdf.
Reference:
- Clyman, R.B., B.J. Harden and C. Little. (2002). "Assessment, Intervention and Research with Infants in Out-of-Home Placement." Infant Mental Health Journal. 23:435-53.
