Released August 13, 2009
MADISON, Wisc. - A home environment where family members treat each other with respect and work through problems together protects children against emotional, psychological, learning and social problems later in life, according to family and child researchers.
"Children learn how to treat others and how to solve conflict from what they see in their own lives," says Mary Wood, University of Wisconsin-Extension family living agent. "Ongoing conflict between parents can be a predictor of difficulties for children."
Some of those difficulties can include increased aggression and hostility; anti-social or withdrawn behaviors; learning and school problems; trouble adjusting and solving problems; depression and poor interpersonal relationships that last into young adulthood
That's not to say that differences, disagreements and problems are always a bad thing. "They are unavoidable," says Wood. "But we can grow and learn by facing them directly and working to understand others’ points of view."
Wood points out that habitual avoidance of conflict is the number one indicator of divorce or failure of a relationship.
Wood offers eight tips to help build a happier home.
--1. Make family your top priority. Close, strong families make a conscious decision to keep family life their number one responsibility.
--2. Invest your time doing things with family members together or separately. In a large national study, children and young adults were asked, "What makes a happy family?" The overwhelming response was "Doing things together."
--3. Don't neglect saying some important words. Close families know the power of "I forgive you," "Let’s try again," and "I love you."
--4. Establish and maintain family rituals. Rituals and traditions are the glue of family life. They are especially important today as family time becomes more limited. As often as possible, share meals with family members. Stepfamilies especially need to respect pre-existing traditions and create new ones.
--5. Stay connected. Be available and keep in touch with your partner and children--no matter how busy you are. Children, especially, need to know you are available.
--6. Teach your children how to love and be loved. Nothing is more important to a child's feeling of self-worth as the experience of being loved. Your children need to know beyond any doubt that they are lovable, that you love them and that you love each other.
--7. Use words wisely. Speak to your partner and children in ways that affirm and assure—not attack or abuse. Choose your words carefully. "Words can echo forever," says Wood.
--8. Speak positively about your partner and kids—both in public and in private. The things we say about and to family members can have a powerful impact.
"By working to cultivate trust, affection and respect, parents and other adults in the home can create a place where family members feel safe, loved and supported—a refuge from the storms of life," says Wood. "There is no better lifelong legacy to give a child."
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http://www.uwex.edu/news/2009/08/harmony-at-home-essential-to-kids-well-being
Source: Mary Wood, 608-685-6256, mary.wood@ces.uwex.edu
