Family Scenario #1: Migrating from South Asia
Two years ago 14 year old Anahita and her parents migrated to the United States from South Asia. Anahita's parents are concerned about her going to parties with her friends late in the evening. Anahita's parents tell her that she cannot go to these night parties, and if she disobeys them or confronts them about their decision, they will lock her up in her room. In Anahita's parent’s culture, family name and prestige takes precedence over individual preferences. Going out to parties is considered as unbecoming for both boys and girls because of the negatives influences that they might be exposed to such as alcohol and pre-marital sex. One goal of Anahita’s parent’s is for Anahita to find a suitable husband. Any unbecoming behavior on the part of Anahita will have serious implications for this process.
Questions to discuss:
1.What parenting practice identified in NEPEM do you see displayed?
2.How is this practice expressed?
3.What values do you see expressed?
4.What might have led to the developments of these values
5.How might Anahita's parents be feeling about the situation? About Anahita?
6.Based on your cultural background, how would you as a parent respond to this situation?
7.How could Anahita and her parents attempt to reach a consensus?
8.What role, if any, as a professional working with this family could you play in this scenario?
SAMPLE Responses:
1. What parenting practice identified in NEPEM do you see displayed?
Guide
2.How is this practice expressed?
The parents state the acceptable behaviors and consequences (locking in the closet) and follow through on the consequences.
3.What values do you see expressed?
Respect for family and the family’s name; respect for parents’ decisions; modesty;
4.What might have led to the developments of these values
Cultural background- what values were instilled in the parents by their parents, the community they grew up in; fears the parents may have of American society and what they hear American youth are doing in their free time
5.How might Anahita's parents be feeling about the situation? About Anahita?
Anahita’s parents: Fearful; stressed; they want to make sure their child is going to grow up the way they want her to and that they think will be good for her/help her succeed.
Anahita: stressed, frustrated and scared that she has to balance and figure out how to meet her parents’ wishes, wishes of her peers and what she feels good about. She may be embarrassed that what her parents want her to do (how to behave) is very different than what is expected of youth in other families (especially those from the dominant culture). She may feel her parents are “old fashioned” and not willing to change/adapt to the American culture.
6.Based on your cultural background, how would you as a parent respond to this situation?
Example: Share my values with my child (verbally and by behavior); listen to my child’s viewpoint; identify which things we can compromise on and which ones as a parent I believe we cannot compromise on.
7.How could Anahita and her parents attempt to reach a consensus?
Listen to each other. Create a safe setting where it is comfortable for the parents and Anahita to communicate their feelings and thoughts with each other. Agree to share their perspectives with each other and why they feel the way they do. Parents could share why they believe the way they do and Anahita could share why she feels the way she does. It also could be that from the parent’s point of view, and from their culture, that listening is not an option…that children are expected to follow parent’s instructions.
8.What role, if any, as a professional working with this family could you play in this?
Listen to the parents’ concerns, values and what they want for Anahita. Ask them to think about how Anahita might be feeling. Ask them to think about what they might say or do to show Anahita they care about her in a way that she will understand.