Released September 11, 2009
MURFREESBORO, Ark. - Communication is more than just talking and listening - it's the ability to pay attention to thoughts and feelings, said Robbie McKinnon, Pike County extension agent for the University of Arkansas Division of Agriculture.
"When we communicate, we exchange factual information and we share emotions with one another in the way we present the facts," she said. "It is the communication that is verbal and non-verbal.
"I can certainly remember 'the look' that my dad used that I completely understood," McKinnon said.
Today, parents and children may have more communication methods thanks to e-mail, text messaging, cell phones, online instant messaging, or even face-to-face, but the messages between the two parties aren't always clear. McKinnon cited an instance from her days teaching high school, in which she was talking to a student about behavior that needed correction.
"He told me that he was mixed up because I was smiling at him and nobody had ever smiled at him when he was being corrected," she said. "I had been vague because he had not understood my affective communication."
Fortunately, he asked for clarification.
"I was certainly glad he asked me questions until he fully understood my communication," McKinnon said.
Being an active listener, as this student was, is important. It involves acknowledging and respecting the other person's point of view.
"Be sure to listen to the whole conversation without making assumptions," she said. "Assumptions are not always correct and can lead to a big misunderstanding.
"Besides just listening, pay attention to facial expressions and body language as the young man did when he needed to find out why I was smiling," she said.
Clear and direct communication is the healthiest form of communication, because when the message is plainly stated and is spoken directly to the person, the message should not be easily misunderstood.
"Unhappy family relationships are often the result of negative communication," McKinnon said.
For more information about strengthening family relationships, contact your county extension office or visit http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/family/.
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http://www.uaex.edu/news/september2009/0911communicate_better.htm
Media contact: Elizabeth Fortune, (501) 671-2120, efortune@uaex.edu
