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Substitute Helpful Comments for Criticism and Put-downs

Last Updated: September 14, 2009

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Parenting Tips for Your 25-26 Month Old Toddler

We all want our children to grow up feeling they are capable and lovable. One of the trickiest and most important skills parents must learn is guiding their children in ways that control naughty behavior and help their children learn to do what’s right. This is hard to do when you are angry or upset because your child is causing a problem. You need practice and a lot of patience at these times not to be critical or accusing.

Unfortunately, a young child who lives with criticism can come to feel hopeless, and may stop trying to cooperate. When your child misbehaves, she needs “help-outs” instead of “put-downs.” “Help-outs” make her feel you love her and you know she can learn to do better. “Putdowns” do just the opposite.

The following is a list of “help-out” comments:

  • Here’s a sponge. I’ll help you clean it up.
  • That’s hard to do. Let me do it with you.
  • I’m proud of you for trying that. Hold it with both hands next time and it may not fall.
  • That is a dangerous thing to do. You could fall. Let me hold your hand.


The following are destructive “put-downs”:

  • I knew that would happen if I let you do it alone.
  • Can’t you do anything right?
  • You’re being a brat.
  • Why do you always drop things?
  • You never pick up your clothes.
  • Won’t you ever learn?
  • Can’t you see that’s dangerous?

Listen to yourself. Try to substitute “help-outs” for “put-downs.”


Learn more about Your Toddler: 25-26 Months from Just In Time Parenting. You can also go to our Resource Links for additional information on child care and development.


Note to Parents: When reading this newsletter, remember: Every baby is different. Children may do things earlier or later than described here. This newsletter gives equal space and time to both sexes. If he or she is used, we are talking about all babies.
References: These materials were adapted by authors from Extension Just in Time Parenting Newsletters in California, Delaware, Georgia, Iowa, Kentucky, Maine, Tennessee, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, and Wisconsin.

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