Parenting Tips for Your 15-16 Month Old Toddler
Q. My 16-month-old daughter and my 4-year-old son fight constantly. It’s driving me out of my mind. Why are they fighting and what can I do about it?
A. Sibling rivalry can be a problem, especially when young children are less than 3 years apart in age. The older child may be fairly happy with his new brother or sister until the baby begins to crawl. As you well know, when your baby begins to get into things, you have to pay more attention to her. When this happens, her older brother may understandably feel you love him less.
To make matters worse, the little crawler can break and take her brother’s toys. Let your son know you understand and sympathize with his feelings. Suggest ways he can cope with his little sister without hurting her. For the next 6 to 12 months, you may feel you are constantly stopping quarrels and the biting, hitting, and hair pulling that go with them. Worse, you seldom know which child started the quarrel.
There are some things you can do to cope with this fighting:
- Protect your children from hurting each other or each other’s things. It does no good to try to make your older child feel guilty for his anger. After all, his feelings are quite normal and understandable.
- Do let him know you will not let him hurt his sister or let his little sister hurt him.
- Do what you can to make life more bearable for your older child. Do not lavish praise on his little sister in his presence. Encourage your friends and relatives to follow this advice too.
- Give your son enjoyable out-of-home experiences, a fun trip, a play group, a babysitter just for him. Make your son feel special, not pushed out or rejected.
- Give your older child your undivided attention at least once a day. All your children need this special show of affection and care.
- You might be tempted to put extra demands on your older child at this time. You might expect him to be more responsible, patient, unselfish, and grown-up than he reasonably can be at his age. Ease up on these expectations.
- Don’t try to decide which child is to blame for a fight. Just separate them. If they are fighting over a toy, take the toy away from both of them. Then help them find something else to do.
Try to remember that fighting is common for children of these ages. Your children have not turned into monsters. Be patient, understanding, and firm. This period will pass.
