Released November 13, 2009
LITTLE ROCK - 2009 has been a trying year for Arkansans. The recession, job loss, flooding rains and the flu are just a few of the issues we have had to deal with this year, and now the holidays are looming. When you don't have much money or don't feel well, it's hard to summon up the spirit of giving for anyone, much less yourself.
"We place too much pressure on ourselves to have the 'perfect' holiday," said Wally Goddard, professor and family life specialist with the University of Arkansas Cooperative Extension Service. "There is no such thing. When you pursue perfection, you are setting yourself up for disappointment."
This year, make it your goal to minimize the stress and strain of the holidays.
How to minimize stress and strain
First, make a plan. Regardless of what your family's traditions are, map out what you can and are willing to do. For example, if you have always given gifts to each member of your immediate and extended family, and you have limited funds, resolve to stay within your budget. You can do this a few ways: inform everyone you give gifts you can only afford to provide one gift for each, give only to immediate family, make gifts, give only to the children in your family or select one person with whom to exchange gifts.
"Truly, we all have almost everything we want or need," Goddard said. "If you are feeling overwhelmed, your family and friends probably are, too. Bring it up, and everyone will be the better for it."
Second, be realistic. With children, pets and uncoordinated guests, your carefully-placed and fragile decorations are not going to remain intact. It's not worth the anxiety to worry about the heirloom ornaments or what others will think of your mantle. "Guests will not notice," Goddard said. "In fact, if you don't want to decorate at all, that is perfectly fine. Determine what is most important to you about the holidays - spending time with family and friends, cooking and sharing goodies, volunteering in the community, attending church or temple. Whatever it is, put your focus on that, and you'll be much happier."
Next, understand you don't have to be gloriously happy. "Too much emphasis is placed on the holidays as the most wonderful time of the year," Goddard explains. "It sometimes isn't. If you've had setbacks in the year - workplace stress, a family loss, illness - you don't have to act like none of that happened just because it's the holidays. Instead, look on the holidays as a time to reflect on the year and make a plan for the next."
Finally, ask for help. "If you're struggling just to get up each day, don't try to tackle the holidays by yourself," Goddard said. "If you already have commitments and cannot take on another thing, do yourself a favor and say no to any other responsibilities. You do not have to do it all, and by asking for help, you'll not only give yourself a gift, but also allow the person you've reached out to an opportunity to show you how much they care."
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http://www.uaex.edu/news/november2009/1113holiday_stress.htm
Editor: Mary Hightower, (501) 671-2187, mhightower@uaex.edu
