Many parents feel this way. With all the demands that a new baby adds to your busy life, it’s hard to find time to sit down, talk, and make a plan for working together. Even though it is hard, it’s important to find the time to talk about what’s bothering you. Chances are that your partner has been storing up some gripes also. Set up a date or set aside a special time each week that you can be together and talk without being interrupted. Use “I messages”. Tell each other how you are feeling without blaming the other. Instead of saying, “You always put me down”, say, “I feel put down when you tell me…” By using “I messages”, your partner will not feel blamed or accused, and is likely to be more interested in addressing the problem. Be direct. Say what you mean, rather than hoping your partner can guess or know what you mean. Instead of saying, “The living room looks messy”, say, “I get upset when the newspapers are all over the room, and I have to pick them up.” Avoid the question trap. Instead of saying, “Why didn’t you call to tell me you’d be late?” Say, “I was worried that something had happened to you when you didn’t come home at the usual time. Next time, please call me, so I won’t worry.” When you find yourself ready to ask a question trap or blame someone: Identify what you are really feeling. Send an “I message” to state your feelings. Listen, listen, and listen! Give your partner a chance to air his or her feelings and gripes. Don’t interrupt, jump to conclusions, preach, or quickly offer advice. Check back to see if you really understood what was said. For example, say,” Let me see if I understand… or Are you saying that….?” It’s normal for new parents to have many mixed feelings. If you use these important communication skills, you will be able to find solutions to problems before they get out of hand. These skills will really be helpful as you parent your baby. You may not agree with each other about how to discipline your baby. One of you may want to distract the baby from dangerous objects, while the other may believe in yelling at the baby. These are issues to be worked out by talking them through and using the communication skills listed above.

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