You are in a difficult, but not uncommon, situation. Differing opinions and unclear communication among caregivers, especially siblings, may occur even in the best of circumstances. Many families try to make caregiving decisions during times of crisis. This may mean that these decisions are made in isolation – not with the help of health care professionals, family service professionals, and legal experts. We may think we know what is best for Dad or Mom, but, in fact, we may not have the training and knowledge to make good sound decisions on care. Seeking professionals to help answer care questions is important to help inform family members and to ensure that the care receiver has the best help possible in the correct setting. Although the family may believe that Dad or Mom should be living with another family member, this is not necessarily the best – or only – care situation. When a move is made, we want to ensure to the extent possible that it is the right move to the right living situation. Many families may have unrealistic expectations regarding the primary caregiver. They may expect the caregiver to juggle many hours filled with mental, emotional, physical, or financial stress without help. This is often due to poor communication or a lack of understanding about the caregiving situation and how much "hidden stress" it can cause. Protecting your marital and parent-child relationships during these times is important and should not be underestimated. Spouses and children (no matter what their age) may be the best support you will have during stressful caregiving times. When a caregiving crisis occurs, it may bring family members close together or drive them apart. As demands increase, caregivers may find it difficult to balance caregiving tasks with their own needs. Making decisions about care for parents may be one of the hardest challenges siblings face. Good communication is key to making decisions together. Since you feel that your opinions are not being heard or heeded, I would suggest that you let the others know what you are willing to provide and why. When conflict arises over caregiving responsibilities, it may be based on an unequal division of tasks. This can be especially difficult when siblings have different perceptions of the parent’s needs or who should be responsible in meeting those needs. These differences may have to do with conflict over whether the parent should be placed in a care facility or remain at home, regardless of the sacrifices the rest of the family must make. For more information, visit: www.extension.org/pages/Getting_Help_From_Family_Members www.extension.org/pages/Adult_Sibling_Relationships

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