Blending relative children with your own can be difficult. There are two issues to consider. The first is loss. The relative children have experienced a loss of their birth parents. Some are grieving the death of their parents. Others are experiencing confusion because their parents are still alive but not available to parent. Kids will handle this loss in different ways, depending upon their age. Young children may regress to earlier behaviors such as bed-wetting. School-age children may show great sadness and fear. Older children may be very angry and act out. All are trying to make sense of what has happened to their family. Spend extra time with the children. Encourage them to talk about their feelings. Let them know they are safe and you will be there for them. Answer their questions honestly. Avoid making negative statements about their birth parents. Explain to your own children what is happening. If the children are older, it can be helpful for them to communicate feelings and thoughts together about the experience of being a blended family. The second issue to address is family rules. Families are where children learn how to interact with others. All families have rules. The rules are learned through this interaction. Children who live in a chaotic home often learn inappropriate ways to get their needs met. This is because the rules in the home change based on such things as a parent's state of mind or availability. It is possible that the parenting the children may have received from birth parents was not consistent. Based on the child’s age, explain the rules in your home. Expect that the rules will be broken at first. Kids need reminders on how to behave, and learning new rules takes time. Model the rules in your home; for example, eating meals at the table and talking to others respectfully. Ask your own children to help the others learn the rules. If the chaos continues over time, more help may be needed. Consider taking a parenting class for relative caregivers. Seek support from a family therapist. The entire family might attend counseling or the children may go alone. Do reach out to others to help you during this time. This information was provided by eXtension's Just in Time Parenting http://www.extension.org/parenting, which provides great resources for families, including age-paced newsletters. access to experts across the country, videos, podcasts, and more. Bookmark it today!

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