Placement Posey: Caregivers Ready to Let Go of Responsibility

Story: This single mother of two teenagers works full time and has cared for her father since her mother died a year ago. He has Alzheimer’s disease and lives alone in his own home. Posey has become more aware of her father’s limitations since her mother died and realizes he should not live or spend time alone during the day. Posey is an only child and feels responsible for her father. She promised her mother she would take care of him after her mother was gone.

Posey and her father have always had a rocky relationship. Her mother was the peacemaker. She believes her father does not approve of the way she is raising her children, nor of her career. Her sons are very involved in school activities. Posey was just promoted to a manager position that requires travel. She has a short fuse sometimes when it comes to her children and colleagues. She feels exhausted and does not know where to turn. Posey finds herself thinking that life would be easier if her father had died, too. A neighbor has called to report that her father goes outdoors late at night and early in the morning. He sometimes forgets where he is. Neighbors say he yells or swears at people who try to help him go back inside. Posey is thinking about moving her father into a nursing home. She realizes that things cannot continue as they are. She does not see any other option.

Description: Caregivers in this situation often feel greatly overwhelmed by their caregiving role and activities. They may also be experiencing stress in other areas of their lives, such as raising their own children or job obligations. Another source of stress may be long-standing strain in the relationship they have with the person needing care. Caregivers often think they ought to be up to the job of providing the care their relatives need. Or they may feel trapped by long-held beliefs or promises such as, "I said I'd always look after Dad and I will." These individuals may need to step back to look at how their beliefs are affecting their actions. When caregivers do this and can make changes in the way they view the situation, they may understand that outside support can help.

A number of community service agencies offer caregiver education and support. One form of community assistance can come in the form of a case manager or care consultant, usually found at the local or area aging office. These individuals are aware of local resources and can help identify options for an individual or family as they think about how to provide assistance for a family member. They also help people recognize how the experience of caregiving changes a person's sense of self or identity. Some of the services they suggest might include those that help caregivers accept themselves in their new role, affirm what they are doing well, or ease their current load. People under great stress who are ready to leave the caregiving role are much more likely to move family members needing care into another care setting. This is often the case when they think placement into such a setting is the only available option.