Relationship Rose: Caregivers With High Levels of Strain and Stress

Story: Rose has been caring for her husband with Alzheimer’s disease for four years. He often shows signs of acute distress and embarrasses her when they are out together. She has stopped taking him with her. He is afraid to be alone and can become highly distressed before Rose returns. She feels saddened and frustrated by the loss of their earlier relationship. She resents having to take on more responsibilities. Rose sometimes thinks she cannot manage much more. She was doing fairly well until her husband’s temper flare-ups began to get worse. Rose has a lot of stress and feelings of anger and guilt. It surprises and worries Rose that she has these strong feelings. She does not know what to do.

Rose recently saw a news item about the Alzheimer’s Association. She looked it up on the computer and discovered a local support group for caregivers. Rose called the agency and spoke with a care consultant. She has joined a support group and is taking a class on understanding the behavior of people with Alzheimer's disease. She also called the Helpline late one night. The class has helped Rose understand some of her husband's actions. She has learned new ideas about how to talk with her husband and ways to respond when he is upset. Rose has made two friends from attending the support group. She calls them when she feels low or wants advice.

Description: Some caregivers find that their relationship with the care receiver is strained. Their relationship strain can be from past experiences such as conflict, abuse, neglect or something else. Sometimes the caregiver/care receiver relationship can become strained when the caregiver does not have a good understanding of their partner’s condition. Some caregivers also find that their relationship with the person needing care has changed during the caregiving journey and they may resent the demands of caregiving causing strain in the relationship. For example, a caregiver may not understand why someone with Alzheimer’s disease asks the same question over and over. This can cause strain even in a good relationship. Feelings of shame or embarrassment about the care receiver's speech or actions can also strain the relationship.

Caregivers may need to learn more about their partners' true abilities and the caregiving journey in general. This will help them better understand the care receiver's needs and what is required in the caregiving situation. Learning about a partner’s illness, strengths and limitations can help a caregiver develop new skills. In some cases, caregivers may need to address long-term relationship issues so they can learn coping strategies that enable them to continue being a caregiver.