Released Aug. 31, 2007

PIGGOTT, Ark. – "Where there is room in the heart, there is always room on the hearth." -- Elisabeth Marbury.

"That quote could very well summarize the sentiments of millions of grandparents, more than 3.9 nationwide, raising their grandchildren in their homes," says Debbie Baker, a Clay County agent with the University of Arkansas Cooperative Extension Service.

Overall, about 5.4 million children nationwide live with their grandparents. In Arkansas, 61.3 percent of grandparents are responsible for raising their grandchildren.

"While this is not a new phenomenon in this country, the rate of grandparents raising their grandchildren is increasing, and there is every reason to believe the numbers will continue to grow," Baker said. "The increasing incidence of parental substance abuse, child abuse and neglect, parental AIDS, incarceration, divorce, and desertion has resulted in higher rates of children being raised by grandparents."

Raising a second generation has many joys and satisfactions. Providing grandchildren with a sense of security by helping them to grow in their self-confidence, self-identity and self-respect, brings joys as well as challenges. Grandparents often experience a self-renewal through their grandchildren. In the best of circumstances, the renewal can be both biological and emotional, adding new social networks and experiencing emotional self-fulfillment in being able to support the positive development of a generation that carries a family forward.

Raising a second generation has many challenges. Grandparents raising grandchildren face physical, emotional, and financial adjustments. Many grandparents who are parenting their grandchildren are deprived of a positive relationship with their own child. In fact, many start their new role grieving an actual or emotional death of their child. "That’s not my daughter," one woman said. "Drugs have taken over. That’s not the girl I raised, loved, and nurtured."

Thus, grandparents are often dealing with feelings of failure, guilt, and embarrassment. Many of the children being raised by grandparents have psychological or physical problems related to their earlier experiences with their biological parents. They may have experienced home conditions that affected growth physically, emotionally, or socially. At best, many are grieving the loss of their own parents.

Building on family strengths. As grandparents take on an expanded grandparenting role, they must work with other adults that may be involved in the caregiving. If ways of thinking, values, and ways of working with each other and with the children are consistent among all persons providing care, there is a much greater chance for success with the children.

Children who are being raised by their grandparents are going to experience loss and abandonment as well as other issues relating to their place in the family. Keeping a journal and the baby stories, a family tree, and a record of large and small events and milestones and showing them frequently to the child are ways to share how important that child is to their grandparents.

Schools can help grandparents. Schools can use many strategies to support grandparents who are working to raise and educate their grandchildren. Existing policies may need to be revised to accommodate the grandparent’s informal authority or legal authority so the child can be enrolled in school, records can be reviewed, and requests or decisions can be handled.

Care for the grandparent. Care for the grandparent is as essential as care for the children. A grandparent’s lifestyle is changed and challenged in many ways when raising a second generation. Boundless energy may no longer be there. Many grandparents have health issues of their own. As one grandparent said, "It was not my dream to raise a second family."

For many grandparents, dreams disappear with this life change. Social life declines, and the new role often comes with an emotional roller coaster attached. While there may be much joy in having more time with grandchildren, isolation may be one of the challenges grandparents face as they give up their current lifestyle and take on a whole new level of problems difficult to resolve.

When grandparents take on parenting roles, that very special relationship with the grandchild that was so wonderful with short visits, may change. Being prepared and able to deal with this loss and any other grief that may have created this "new life" situation can be a big challenge. One that needs support from family, friends, and community.

For more information on grandparents raising grandchildren contact your County Extension office, or visit http://www.uaex.edu. Additional information is available at the Acknowledging Aging page http://www.arfamilies.org/health_nutrition/aging/.

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http://www.uaex.edu/news/august2007/0831grandparents.htm

Contact: Lamar James, (501) 671-2187 or (501) 753-0207, ljames@uaex.edu