Released March 10, 2008

ST. PAUL, Minn. — Having many different tools and techniques at your disposal makes parenting go smoother.

Every day in any family, one of the children does something that requires parental guidance or discipline. It could be as minor as carelessly slamming a door or forgetting to pick up after themselves. It could be something more important, like a pattern of arguing with a sibling or talking back to a parent. Or it could be a serious issue like lying or stealing.

It is common to feel overwhelmed as a parent facing these issues each day. Whether it’s something serious or just the hundredth time you’ve heard your child whine, it can take its toll on you.

Effective parenting takes three things—reasonable expectations for children, a variety of guidance tools and parental commitment.

You can practice reasonable expectations if you know a bit about developmental stages and temperament of children. Having reasonable expectations of what your child is capable of understanding and doing at his age makes a big difference. For instance, it is developmentally appropriate to expect a 13-year-old to vacuum his room. Temperament is also important—it’s less reasonable to expect a 13-year-old who is verbally skilled and persistent to give up his after-school time to vacuum without an argument.

You need lots of techniques and ideas to add to your toolbox, such as: tools to avoid problems; tools to encourage cooperation; tools to acknowledge feelings; tools to set appropriate limits; and tools to teach new skills. When you are familiar with a variety of guidance tools, you will have them available for the next parenting dilemma.

Commit and follow through with your plan and make a list of possible solutions. If your plan doesn’t work after several tries, re-evaluate and make a new one. One tool doesn’t work for all situations all of the time, just like one gardening tool doesn’t work for every gardening task.

It is also important for parents to take care of themselves—parents need enough energy and patience to be effective. For more tips on parenting, visit the University of Minnesota Extension parenting website at http://www.parenting.umn.edu.

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http://www.extension.umn.edu/extensionnews/2008/toolsforsuccessfulparenting.html

Contacts: Catherine Dehdashti, (612) 625-0237, ced@umn.edu

Kathleen Olson, (507) 536-6306, kaolson@umn.edu

Kathleen Olson is a family relations specialist with University of Minnesota Extension.