Children being raised by grandparents or other family members have often experienced many challenging situations or disruptions in their care. Major disruptions in a child's life, such as not living with their parents anymore, can affect every aspect of their life – behavior, thoughts and feelings. The way a child responds to life changes differs from how we as adults respond. They may not be able to talk about their feelings, which may include sadness, depression and hopelessness. Children go through stages in how they respond or cope.

The three stages of responding to major life changes are: protest, despair and detachment. Each stage has certain behaviors, thoughts and feelings. For example, the protest stage is characterized by temper tantrums, thinking the parent will return, and feelings of fear and isolation. In the despair stage, children may be quiet and withdrawn, blame themselves and demand attention. Detachment may include making new friends, thinking relationships aren't important, and feeling depressed.

How children handle stress during a major change, such as a loss of the parents' daily presence, also depends on the child's situation, attachments (relationships) and genes. A grandparent can help the child by showing love and support, following a set routine, and talking to teachers. It's important that grandparents seek help for themselves. They can do so by talking to trusted friends, family doctors or spiritual advisors, or by contacting supportive community services.

Grandparents caring for children can learn more about handling their grandchildren’s stress by consulting the online publication, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Through the Eyes of a Child.

Author:

• Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Program Specialist in Aging, University of Wisconsin-Extension