Released October 8, 2008

LOGAN, Utah -- Saying no is a challenge for many people. Saying yes to something you’ve been asked to do when you really want to say no often creates stress and frustration. Here are some tips for saying no in a respectful and assertive way.

• First, consider how valued the relationship is as you give your answer. For instance, you would likely say no to your boss or neighbor in a very different way than you would a telemarketer.

• Take time before responding. Use assertive communication skills to request time to think through a decision before giving a yes or no response. This is especially true for anything that takes valuable resources of time, energy or money. Provide a specific time for when you will give your decision.

• Use the “broken record” technique. Rather than giving excuses or explanations that others may be able to manipulate, say no and repeat it like a broken record. This is especially effective with persistent children or people with whom you don’t have an ongoing relationship. Stay calm. Keep your voice in control. Ignore appeals, guilt playing and button pushing. When you give in, it teaches others that you will give them what they want if they push enough.

• If you choose to, provide a brief explanation. After saying no, move to problem solving by providing a brief reason or explanation for saying no. An explanation is most effective if it contains pertinent information, not apologies or long justifications. If manipulation begins, use the broken record technique.

• Set boundaries and negotiate. Instead of giving a blanket yes or no answer, negotiate what you can and cannot do. Offer alternatives and options that work for both parties. Even though you may be saying no when others would prefer you were saying yes, you can still maintain and build relationships by offering a win/win situation for both parties.

• If you aren’t used to saying no, realize that those around you might not like it when you do. Over time, they will likely learn to accept it and may even respect you for it. Also keep in mind that when you expect others to respect you when you say no, you should respect them when they say no as well.

Remember, by saying no to the things you don’t want to do, you will have more time for the things you choose to do.

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http://extension.usu.edu/htm/news/articleID=3928

Contact: Julene Reese, 435-797-0810, julener@ext.usu.edu