Child Guidance: Discipline and Safety

Your baby has lots of energy. It seems as if he is constantly on the move. You may need extra patience to keep up with him. Your baby is starting to get into things, some of which you may not want him to have. Because everything he picks up goes into his mouth, it’s time to think about safety.

Babies under 1 year old are too young to understand why they should stop doing something. Your baby may love to throw toys on the floor. He likes to hear the noise and watch the toys bounce. To him, it’s a game. Your baby doesn’t drop things to annoy or “test” you. He's learning where things go when they are dropped.

Baby proof your house as a form of child guidance. It will simplify your life if you take time to do it now. Read all about baby proofing your house later in the newsletter.

Your baby needs and wants to explore. So it makes sense to baby proof your house, rather than having to follow him around saying no to everything he does. That approach is exhausting for you and demoralizing for your baby.

Another form of child guidance is redirection. This means moving your baby away from a hazard, such as a lamp cord, and moving him to a safe place.

You can also use substitution as a way to guide your baby. Interest your baby in something he can play with. For example, find a different drawer in the kitchen that is OK for your baby to empty. Then gently remove the thing you don’t want him to have. As you take it away, say something like, “This could hurt you."

Do not slap your baby’s hands or yell at him. Your baby can’t control his behavior yet. If you spank him, he learns that it is OK to hit. It’s up to you to keep him out of danger, not to punish him for getting into it.

If you can strike a balance between setting limits, providing loving care, and having a sense of humor, you will help your baby grow up with a good head on his shoulders.

What’s It Like to be 5 Months Old?

How I Grow

• I rock, roll, and twist my body.

• I kick my feet and suck on my toes.

• I keep my head and back straight when I sit if you support my body.

• If you hold me under my arms, I stand up, jump up and down, and stamp my feet.

• I have pretty good aim when I grab at something.

• I can roll from my tummy to my back, and I may be able to roll from my back to my tummy.

How I Feel

• I usually cling to you when you hold me.

• I stop crying when you talk to me.

• I am starting to show fear, anger, and disgust. It doesn’t mean I’m bad, it just means I’m growing into a normal person with many emotions.

• I’m beginning to be aware of my feelings. I notice your feelings, facial expressions, and body language.

• I have my good days and bad days — just as everyone does.

How I Understand and Respond

• I recognize my name.

• I look around when I hear sounds.

• I can tell the difference between me and others in the mirror.

• I may cry when I see strangers.

• I look for something if I drop it.

• I remember what I just did.

• I am very interested in toys that can be touched and chewed on. I like to twist, shake, and bang my toys.

• As I play, I learn about nearness and distance. I also learn about inside and outside.

• As I play and explore, I learn about space, form, and texture. Play helps me learn about the world.

How I Talk

• I watch your mouth and try to imitate you when you talk to me.

• I make sounds such as ee, ah, ooh, and maybe da, pa, ma, ba.

• I babble to myself, to my toys, and to people — I get attention that way!

Sometimes parents wonder if there are signs that their baby is not developing normally. There are lists of warning signs, or red flags (as some people call them), to help you find out if your baby is developing normally. To get more information on these warning signs, go to this Web site: http://www.firstsigns.org/concerns/flags.htm.

Games Babies Play

Difficult Sounds: A Communication Game

Purpose of game: to encourage your baby to imitate sounds and words. Repeat the sounds your baby makes so she can hear them twice. As you say these sounds back to your baby, you are helping her learn how to make the sounds she has “invented.”

How to play: Hold your baby in your arms and let her relax. Make sounds such as “brr-own,” “grrr-ate,” “bizzz-y,” “uh-oh,” and “aaa-all gone.” Face her so she can watch your lips move. Nuzzle or cuddle her after you make the sounds. Laugh, smile, or hug her gently when she makes the sounds.

If your baby still wants to play, try new words and sounds. Face your baby so she can see you say other words and sounds.

Help Your Baby Learn About His Body

Help your baby discover his feet.

• Rub his feet together.
• Bring his feet to his mouth.
• Count his toes.

Say, “This little piggy went to market (wiggling the big toe). This little piggy stayed home (wiggling the next toe). This little piggy ate roast beef for dinner (wiggling the third toe). This little piggy had none (wiggling the fourth toe). And this little piggy cried wee, wee, wee, all the way home (wiggling the littlest toe).”

Help your baby discover his hands.

• Rub his hands together.
• Bring his hands to his mouth.
• Count his fingers.

Help him clap his hands together. Do hand games such as patty cake. Clap your baby’s hands as you say, “Patty cake, patty cake, baker’s man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can. (Pat hands on lap.) Pat it and roll it (move hands in a circle) and mark it with a B (draw the letter B with the hand). Put it in the oven for baby and me (pulling hands away from your baby).”

Take time to laugh together!

Read Books to Your Baby

Your baby likes to look at brightly colored pictures in books. Point to pictures of items as you read about them. Make up your own short story about pictures you see on a page of a book or a magazine.

Feeding Your Baby

Between 5 and 6 months of age, several things begin to happen. Your baby’s growth will begin to slow down. He will become more active and burn more calories.

Your doctor is probably telling you to not start solid foods for another month or two. Your friends and relatives are probably telling you that everyone starts solids sooner. Pay attention to your doctor.

Breast milk is best. Keep up the breast milk and/or the type of infant formula your doctor has recommended. If you don’t already have a breastfeeding support group, check out the La Leche League at http://lalecheleague.org/.

Help your baby learn to eat when he is hungry and to stop eating when he begins to feel full. Hungry babies may:

• Open their mouths when they see the breast or bottle
• Lean forward to be able to drink

Babies who start to feel full may:

• Hold their mouths tightly shut
• Push away the breast or bottle
• Lose interest in eating
• Turn their upper body away

No Honey, Honey!

Babies under 1 year old should not be fed honey. Honey is harmful to babies because it has spores that can cause infant botulism.

Helping Your Baby’s Memory

Watch how your baby reacts when things disappear from view. Does she lean over to look for things she dropped? Does she look for a favorite toy?

These are signs that your baby’s memory is growing. When she was younger, out of sight was out of mind. Now, she is learning that things exist even when she can’t see them.

You can have fun with your baby and help her memory at the same time. Show your baby a toy, and then cover it — slowly at first — with a cloth or cup. Does your baby try to pull the cover off? What if you cover only part of the toy? Try different toys and different covers.

Play peek-a-boo to help your baby learn that you come back when you go away. Sometimes cover your face and sometimes hers. If your baby doesn’t have fun playing these games now, wait a few weeks and try again.

It’s Time to Baby Proof Your Home!

Your baby wants to move, climb, open things, and poke around in small spaces. She does not understand how dangerous things can be.

There are many reasons to baby proof your house:

• It helps your baby avoid accidents and injuries.
• It gives your baby a large area to safely explore, which helps her learn.
• You won’t have to keep saying no.
• It keeps your valued items safe.

How to baby proof:

• Get down on the floor and crawl around. Look carefully at everything in the rooms where your baby goes. Create a safe area for your baby to play.
• Cover all electrical outlets.
• Move cleaning products onto high, out-of-reach shelves.
• Put small items such as matches, nails, and tiny beads out of sight.
• Move chemicals such as cleaning products and bug killers to high, out-of-reach shelves.
• Keep all medicines out of reach.
• Install childproof locks on cabinets that hold items you don’t want your baby to have.
• Use new gates to block off stairs and other places you don’t want your baby to play. Old-fashioned accordion gates are dangerous. Your baby can be trapped in the gate.

Until you have a safe play area, borrow or buy a playpen or new gate. Playpens work well with some babies, while other babies cry the minute they’re put into one. If you do use a playpen, be sure it has a spring lock and no hinges or joints that can pinch tiny fingers. Do not keep your baby in the playpen long; she will get tired of it and it keeps her from safely exploring and learning.

What Is Your Baby Like?

Your baby is one of a kind. Babies may differ in these ways:

Rhythms - Some babies eat, sleep, even have bowel movements about the same time each day. Others never do the same thing from one day to the next.

Approach or withdrawal - Some babies shy away from new things, while others seek them out.

Adaptability - Some babies won’t take their formula if it isn’t the right temperature. Some babies can sleep only in their own cribs. Others do fine no matter where they are or with whom.

Intensity of reaction - Some babies whimper quietly when they’re cold or hungry. Others howl as soon as they are unhappy.

Level of responsiveness - Some babies notice the tiniest change around them. Others can sleep through thunderstorms.

All of these things make up your baby’s temperament. Some combinations are easier to live with than others.

Easy babies are active and predictable. They adapt easily to change and are usually happy.

Slow-to-warm-up babies pull away from new things a little and adapt slowly to change.

Difficult babies tend to be unpredictable. They withdraw from new situations, adapt slowly to change, and react slowly.

If your baby is difficult, know: Your baby is not difficult on purpose and is not bad. He can grow up to be as bright and loving as others. Your baby was born with this style of adapting, but it may change as he grows. A difficult baby needs more caring and more patient parents who will accept him and help him learn.

To help a difficult baby: Introduce things slowly, so he gets accustomed to them. Pay attention to your baby’s signals, and adjust your plan to his temperament. Over time, you will find the right amount of stimulation to suit him. The style of adapting that makes your baby seem difficult at this age can help him be a great problem solver when he is older.

Crib Toy Safety Alert

Now is the time to remove crib toys that fit across the crib. When babies can push up on their hands and knees, sometime around 5 months of age, they can fall over a toy in the crib and not be able to get free. This could cause a baby to strangle.

Hooded shirts, toys, or anything with strings can also cause strangling, so keep these things away from your baby.

Prevent Lead Poisoning

Last month we talked about how tiny amounts of lead once found in paint can poison an infant. If your house was built before 1978, you could have a lead problem. Lead poisoning reduces memory, intelligence, ability to concentrate, and hearing.

The damage to a baby’s developing systems cannot be cured, but it can be prevented. Lead paint becomes a problem when it chips or turns to dust. It becomes dust when doors or windows rub while being opened and shut, when people walk over a painted floor, during remodeling, and as outdoor paint weathers. When your baby crawls, then puts her fingers in her mouth, she may be eating dust that contains lead.

Household repairs can also create lead dust. Find out how repairs can be made so your baby is not exposed to lead dust when repairing walls, windows, plumbing, or electrical lines.

If your baby spends time in any place built before 1978, ask your doctor, clinic, or public health nurse about a blood test that can determine if your baby has lead in her body. Look at last month’s cleaning tips. For advice and help in dealing with lead in your home, call your public health office or call (800) 424-LEAD. You can also check out this Web site: http://www.epa.gov/lead.

What Happened to Time for Us?

“Ever since we had the baby, there’s been a lot of strain between my partner and me. We never seem to have time just to sit and talk anymore. I can’t seem to tell him how I feel. Things really seem to be piling up between us.”

Many parents feel this way. With all the demands that a new baby adds to your busy life, it’s difficult to find time to sit down, talk, and make a plan for working together. Even though it's difficult, it’s important to find the time to talk about what’s bothering you.

Chances are that your partner also has been storing up some gripes. Set up a date or set aside a special time each week that you can be together and talk without being interrupted.

Use “I messages.” Tell each other how you feel, without placing blame. Instead of saying, “You always put me down” say, “I feel put down when you tell me…” By using “I messages,” your partner will not feel blamed or accused and is likely to be more interested in addressing the problem.

Be direct. Say what you mean, rather than hoping your partner can guess or know what you mean. Instead of saying, “The living room looks messy” say, “I get upset when the newspapers are all over the room, and I have to pick them up.”

Avoid the question trap. Instead of saying, “Why didn’t you call to tell me you’d be late?” say, “I was worried that something had happened to you when you didn’t come home at the usual time. Next time, please call me, so I won’t worry.”

When you find yourself ready to ask a question or place blame, identify what you are really feeling. Then send an “I message” instead.

Listen, listen, and listen! Give your partner a chance to air his or her feelings and gripes. Don’t interrupt, jump to conclusions, preach, or quickly offer advice. Check back to see if you really understood what was said. For example say, "Let me see if I understand…" or "Are you saying that…?”

It’s normal for new parents to have many mixed feelings. If you use these important communication skills, you will be able to find solutions to problems before they get out of hand. These skills will be helpful as you parent your baby. You may not agree with each other about how to discipline your baby. One of you may want to distract the baby from dangerous objects, while the other may believe in yelling at the baby. These are issues to be worked out by talking them through and using the communication skills listed above.

Do Yourself a Favor

Some parents make a regular date to be with other parents and babies. Babies enjoy these play groups. Parents may enjoy them even more! You may be able to use each other for emergency baby-sitting, too.

All parents have days when their babies wear them out. It helps to have a friend you can call on for an hour or so if you need to run an errand or when you just need time alone.

To raise a baby, you need help. Is there someone in your neighborhood who loves babies? Are there new parents nearby who might like to join a play group?

Help Me Learn

Talk to your baby in complete sentences about what you are doing. Pause to give her a chance to answer. At first, she’ll only be able to smile or wave her arms. Learning to talk is hard work. Your baby is learning that we talk to each other by taking turns.

Give your baby lots of chances to practice sounds and praise her when she succeeds.

Hold your baby on your lap in front of a tabletop or other flat surface. Tie one end of a piece of string around one of her favorite toys while she is watching you. Place the toy out of reach, then say, “Get the toy." She will soon learn to pull the string to get the toy. Be sure to take the string off the toy before you give it to her to play with by herself. Put the string away where your baby can’t reach it.

Keep up the tummy time sessions. Watch your baby closely and play games with her so this can be a fun time for both of you.

Want to Learn More about Child Care and Development?

Check out this Web site: http://www.zerotothree.org Zero to Three for Parents on development in the first three years of life.

If you have questions, contact your local Extension office. Find the nearest office at: http://www.csrees.usda.gov/qlinks/partners/state_partners.html.

When reading this newsletter, remember: Every baby is different. Children may do things earlier or later than described here. This newsletter gives equal space and time to both sexes. If we write he or she, we are talking about all babies.

Credits: This newsletter was adapted from Extension Just In Time Parenting Newsletters in California, Delaware, Georgia, Iowa, Kentucky, Maine, Tennessee, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New Hampshire, and Wisconsin.