Building Self-Confidence

Being a parent can sometimes tax your patience and your confidence in being able to cope with daily problems. At times, you may feel comfortable and self-confident, and at other times you may feel uncertain and fearful about your decisions.

We all strive to feel comfortable and good about ourselves. Self-confidence is measured by the way we feel and the way we behave.

There are ways to boost your self-confidence so that you feel better about yourself. Here are a few suggestions:

• Examine and determine what YOU want out of life — not what other people want for you or want you to do.

• Live your life from this moment on. Don’t become discouraged by past mistakes.

• Trust your own decisions. You are the best judge of what works well for you.

• Don’t put yourself down. Instead of saying, “I can’t do it,” say, “I am going to try to do it.”

Your Baby Is Now 1 Year Old

Both you and your baby have come a long way. You’ve helped your baby grow into someone who can sit, stand, climb, and reach for things and who can think, feel, understand you, and maybe even say a few words.

You can look back with pride on the past year and give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back. At times it was hard, but you managed well. Hopefully, you had some other people in your life to help.

From now on, your baby will grow and learn at an amazing rate. You can look forward to the coming years, confident that you will help him develop into a responsible human being and love everything about him.

What's It Like to be 12 Months Old?

How I Grow

• I may walk, but I still prefer to crawl. It’s faster!

• I may also try to do other things while I’m walking, such as wave to you or pick up my favorite blanket.

• I stand by pushing up from a squatting position.

• I climb up and down stairs, if I have a chance.

• I may even be able to climb out of a playpen or crib.

• I hold things with one hand while I’m doing something else with the other hand.

• I insist on feeding myself.

• I use my hands to remove lids from jars.

• I use my index finger to point to things.

How I Understand

• I remember more because my memory is getting sharper.

• I hunt for a toy and, even if I don’t find it right away, I can remember where I saw it last.

• I keep trying to do something and may even solve the problem through trial and error.

• I follow simple directions and understand most things you say to me.

• I have favorites among people and toys.

How I Feel

• I feel great that I have a personality all my own.

• I’m developing a sense of humor and think a lot of things are funny.

• I still don’t like being separated from you and am relieved when you return.

• I feel secure and happy eating meals with my family.

• I feel and show love and affection to my favorite people and things.

How I Respond

• I trust people I know well.

• I imitate people, even if they are not around.

• I’m still afraid of strangers and unfamiliar places.

• I am very definite about my likes and dislikes.

How I Talk

• I repeat words I know. It’s good practice.

• I babble away in phrases that sound like sentences.

• I make up my own words to describe objects or people.

• I may not talk as much once I walk well.

• I use one word to express a whole thought.

For more information on your baby's development, check out developmental milestones at the American Academy of Pediatrics Web site http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/stages.cfm or the Centers for Disease Contol at http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/actearly/.

How Your Baby Learns to Feel Secure

To help your baby feel more secure, it’s a good idea to keep things the same as much as possible. Babies do not feel secure when things are always changing.

Keep your schedule the same every day as much as you can so your baby becomes accustomed to the way things will be. Feed your baby at the same time every day so he will get used to a schedule. That will help both of you feel more organized and comfortable.

Use the same words for familiar objects, such as cup or ball, so your baby will learn the names of things.

Your baby may have favorites. He will show love and affection to these things and people.

He still does not like being separated from you. There is always a feeling of relief when you return, and that’s the way it should be. You’re special to your baby!

Feeding Your Baby: What and When?

Feed your baby milk, about 2 to 3 cups daily, with a variety of other foods from the food groups listed below.

Most health authorities recommend that a baby should be at least 1 year old before whole milk is given. Until your baby is 1 year old, breast milk or formula is the most appropriate milk to feed her.

In addition to milk, give several small servings from each of the following food groups over a two-day period:

• Vegetables, fruits
• Meat, fish, poultry, eggs
• Cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese
• Bread, crackers, cereal, rice, spaghetti

How Much Should My Baby Eat?

Your baby doesn’t have to eat something from every food group at every meal. He may eat well at one meal, not so well at the next, and refuse the third meal.

One hearty meal a day plus four foods from the food groups listed above are about average for this age. Forcing babies to eat can work in reverse and make them refuse to eat any food. Or they may continue to eat just to get your approval.

Offering food to babies when they are upset may quiet them for a few moments, but it will also teach them the habit of using food as a solution to problems. Instead, try to find the cause of the problem and solve it, without using food as the pacifier.

Parents are responsible for what babies eat and when food is offered. Babies are responsible for how much they eat.

Build Good Eating Habits

You can do a lot of things now to help your baby build good eating habits for the rest of her life.

• Set a good example by serving and eating a variety of nutritious foods. Eating nutritious foods is good for your physical and emotional health, too.

• Sit down and eat with your child. Try to have the whole family sit down together at least once a day. It’s a good time to connect with each other.

• Give children positive attention when they eat the nutritious food you’ve given them.

• Remember babies do not spend very much time eating. When they are done, let them out of the high chair to play somewhere else. Never make eating a power struggle.

• Babies and adults need good healthy food to live. Spend time preparing and enjoying good foods.

Games Babies Play

Pull the Right String: A Using-a-Tool Game

Purpose of game: This game helps your baby learn to use objects as tools to get what she wants.

How to play: Hold your baby in a sitting position on your lap facing a flat surface such as a tabletop. While she is watching, tie one end of a piece of string around a favorite toy. Place the toy out of reach on the table and say, “Get the toy.” Your baby will learn to pull the string to get the toy.

Another Using-a-Tool Game

How to play: Place the toy on the string out of reach again. Place two more strings alongside the string with the toy attached. Your baby will learn to pull the string with the toy attached instead of the other two strings. Playing games like this helps your baby develop her ability to learn and lets your baby know you love spending time with her.

Be sure to put the string away when you are not playing with your baby. Babies can strangle or choke or strings and cords.

What You Can Do to Help Your Baby Learn

Parents can do many things now to make sure their children will do well when they go to school later.

Floor freedom – Children who do well in school are allowed to explore by crawling and walking in a safe environment. They are not kept in cribs, high chairs, walkers, or swings all day.

Language – Children who do well in school are talked to by adults who explain and expand on things. For example, the child might say, “Doggie” and the parent will answer, “Yes, it’s a big brown dog and he’s wagging his tail.”

Outings – Children who do well in school have been taken places such as the grocery store, post office, fair, and park.

Just enough help – Children who do well in school have parents who help them, but not too much. For example, parents might put chairs together so an early walker can hold onto them while walking. As the child gets better, the parent will move the chairs slightly apart, making it just a little more challenging.

TV and Children

Child development experts strongly suggest that children under 2 years old (that includes your baby) not watch television. The images on TV are too overwhelming for babies. Watching television also takes time away from doing more important things, such as moving, exploring the environment around them, and interacting with family and friends.

You may have noticed that there are lots of media products for children under 3 years old that are marketed to parents. These media products, such as educational videos, television programs, and 24-hour television channels for babies, may look appealing, but there is no evidence that these products make babies smarter. We do know, through research, that babies learn best by being able to move around and interact with people and things in their environment.

Prevent Childhood Poisoning

You know your child likes to put things in his mouth to taste them. Maybe you don’t know that children will eat poisons even if they taste bad - poisons such as mothballs and drain cleaner. Only as we get older do we learn that bad-tasting things may be harmful.

It’s your job to protect your child from poisons in your home. Here’s a list of some common household products that are poisonous.

IN THE KITCHEN:

Dishwasher soap, oven cleaner, floor and furniture polish, ammonia, lye

IN THE BATHROOM:

Prescription drugs, aspirin, and aspirin substitutes, vitamin and iron pills, tranquilizers, birth control pills, cold and cough medicines, cosmetics, mouthwash, perfume, drain cleaner, disinfectants, rubbing alcohol

IN THE LAUNDRY: Bleach, detergent, fabric softener, stain remover

IN THE STOREROOM AND OTHER ROOMS: Kerosene, lighter fluid, gasoline, paint, paint thinner, turpentine, weed killer, pesticides, rat poison, fertilizer, house plants, garden and yard plants, tobacco, any alcohol, mothballs, paint chips or dust

If your child eats something poisonous, immediately call the Poison Control Center at 800-222-1222 and tell them what your child ate. They will tell you what to do.

Think Ahead to Prevent and Treat Poisoning

• Store poisonous products in a locked cabinet and out of your child’s reach. Return products to the locked cabinet immediately after you use them.

• Look up the phone number for your Poison Control Center. Write it down and keep it by every phone in the house. The universal number in the United States is 800-222-1222.

• Never put a poison in food or drink containers. Someone may think it is food and eat it.

• Watch out. Other people’s homes may not be childproof.

• Don’t take medicine in front of your young children. Never tell children their medicine is candy. This will help them think it’s OK to eat medicines as if they are candy. They might eat the medicine and hurt themselves.

• Do not use syrup of ipecac. In years past, first aid kits contained syrup of ipecac. It was used to make children vomit or throw up the poison. Now doctors feel this can do more harm than good, so do not use it. Research has shown that vomiting will not help a child who has swallowed a poisonous substance. Activated charcoal is still used by hospital emergency rooms. If your child is having convulsions, stops breathing, or loses consciousness, call 911.

Setting Limits

Your child understands many things you say, and she may even be able to say a few words herself. However, your baby cannot think ahead about what might happen and can only decide between the most basic choices. This means you have a challenge ahead. You have to help your baby learn rules so she can learn to manage her own behavior. Here are some easy ways to do this:

• Be brief. Your child understands short, simple phrases. Give reasons for rules. Long, involved explanations won’t help.

• Be clear. Your baby can understand the difference between standing in the high chair and not standing. She may be confused if the rule is, “Standing in the chair is OK when I am next to you, but it is not OK if I’m across the room.” For now, make simple rules. Use yes and no, OK and not OK, and you can do it or you cannot do it.

• Be specific. Tell your child what she can do and what she can’t. If your baby is throwing blocks, tell her, “Blocks are not for throwing. Stack the blocks like this.” Be ready to take her away from the blocks if she does not stop throwing them. Or you could give her a soft toy that you think is OK to throw. This focuses on positive rather than negative behavior.

• Be consistent. At this age, a child cannot adjust to differences in rules set by parents or by child care providers. Don’t forbid an activity such as jumping on the bed one minute and allow it the next. It’s good to be flexible sometimes, but most of the time, decide what you want the rules to be and be firm about them.

• Admit feelings. Sometimes children do things that make parents angry. When you feel angry, admit it. Don’t make your baby feel like a bad person just because she did something bad, and don’t scare her. Say in a firm voice, “I’m really mad that you did that.” Remember it’s what she DID, not her that made you angry. She will understand how you feel. When you admit your anger without yelling, calling names, or hitting, you are teaching her how to deal with her own angry feelings. She will learn how to express anger without hurting others.

• Lighten up. See the humor in things. Don’t make an issue out of everything. Instead, choose your battles wisely and relax about the rest.

Sleep

Most children sleep through the night by their first birthday. When they do wake up for a few minutes, they usually go back to sleep by themselves unless they are teething or sick. Some 1-year-olds need more sleep than others. While one baby sleeps as little as eight hours, others may sleep as much as 17 hours.

How can you tell? Set a regular bedtime and watch your child’s reaction. Does your child wake up too early in the morning? If so, your short time sleeper may need a little later bedtime. Watch how your child acts during the day. Your child might need more sleep if she is fussy or if she falls asleep at strange times. Once you set a pattern, your child will have regular times for sleep. Establish a pattern for nights and for nap time. Young children are happier when important parts of the day, such as mealtime and bedtime, stay the same.

What’s Ahead?

By the end of the first year, your baby has developed his own personality. Your baby is a full-fledged member of your family. It’s hard to imagine what life was like without him! In the months ahead look forward to your child doing the following:

• Sleeping about 12 hours at night, and getting up early in the morning

• Needing a longer nap on some days

• Usually wanting attention when waking up

• Having a varied appetite, especially while teething; after 12 months, children grow more slowly and eat a little less

• Having a language “explosion”; a 12-month-old may speak two or three words while a 2-year-old may know 200 to 300 words

• Exploring and playing with genitals or private area; this is normal curiosity

• Starting to show independence without really knowing what he wants; you may hear no and “Me do it” a lot

• One or two words will stand for many things. “Mommy” may mean, “Where’s Mommy?” or “Mommy, play with me” or something else entirely. It’s up to you to figure out what he means, so be patient and understand this will pass as he learns how to communicate with you.

Want to Learn More about Child Care and Development?

Check out this Web site: http://www.zerotothree.org Zero to Three for Parents on development in the first three years of life.

If you have questions, contact your local Extension office. Find the nearest office at: http://www.csrees.usda.gov/qlinks/partners/state_partners.html.

When reading this newsletter, remember: Every baby is different. Children may do things earlier or later than described here. This newsletter gives equal space and time to both sexes. If we write he or she, we are talking about all babies.

Credits: This newsletter was adapted from Extension Just In Time Parenting Newsletters in California, Delaware, Georgia, Iowa, Kentucky, Maine, Tennessee, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New Hampshire, and Wisconsin.