Setting Limits

Your child understands many things you say, and she may even be able to say a few words herself. However, your baby cannot think ahead about what might happen and can only decide between the most basic choices. This means you have a challenge ahead. You have to help your baby learn rules so she can learn to manage her own behavior. Here are some easy ways to do this:

• Be brief. Your child understands short, simple phrases. Give reasons for rules. Long, involved explanations won’t help.

• Be clear. Your baby can understand the difference between standing in the high chair and not standing. She may be confused if the rule is, “Standing in the chair is OK when I am next to you, but it is not OK if I’m across the room.” For now, make simple rules. Use yes and no, OK and not OK, and you can do it or you cannot do it.

• Be specific. Tell your child what she can do and what she can’t. If your baby is throwing blocks, tell her, “Blocks are not for throwing. Stack the blocks like this.” Be ready to take her away from the blocks if she does not stop throwing them. Or you could give her a soft toy that you think is OK to throw. This focuses on positive rather than negative behavior.

• Be consistent. At this age, a child cannot adjust to differences in rules set by parents or by child care providers. Don’t forbid an activity such as jumping on the bed one minute and allow it the next. It’s good to be flexible sometimes, but most of the time, decide what you want the rules to be and be firm about them.

• Admit feelings. Sometimes children do things that make parents angry. When you feel angry, admit it. Don’t make your baby feel like a bad person just because she did something bad, and don’t scare her. Say in a firm voice, “I’m really mad that you did that.” Remember it’s what she DID, not her that made you angry. She will understand how you feel. When you admit your anger without yelling, calling names, or hitting, you are teaching her how to deal with her own angry feelings. She will learn how to express anger without hurting others.

• Lighten up. See the humor in things. Don’t make an issue out of everything. Instead, choose your battles wisely and relax about the rest.

Sleep

Most children sleep through the night by their first birthday. When they do wake up for a few minutes, they usually go back to sleep by themselves unless they are teething or sick. Some 1-year-olds need more sleep than others. While one baby sleeps as little as eight hours, others may sleep as much as 17 hours.

How can you tell? Set a regular bedtime and watch your child’s reaction. Does your child wake up too early in the morning? If so, your short time sleeper may need a little later bedtime. Watch how your child acts during the day. Your child might need more sleep if she is fussy or if she falls asleep at strange times. Once you set a pattern, your child will have regular times for sleep. Establish a pattern for nights and for nap time. Young children are happier when important parts of the day, such as mealtime and bedtime, stay the same.