Released September 4, 2008

MARION, Iowa – A few months ago, who could have predicted that as Louisiana cleans up after Hurricane Gustav and the east coast prepares for Hanna, Iowa continues to cope with the aftermath of the 2008 floods? Natural disasters, like so many things in life, are unpredictable — yet the grief that may result often follows a pattern, says Kristi Cooper, Iowa State University Extension family life field specialist.

“At some point in our lives, many of us will experience an unfortunate and unpredictable event — maybe a natural disaster, a sudden illness or unemployment — and we will grieve over it,” Cooper said. “But if you remember that grief has five stages, then you know what lies ahead.”

Outcry/Shock. This refers to the range of initial emotional reactions and may lead either to denial or intrusiveness.

Denial. Blocking the impact is common, as is emotional numbing, not thinking of what happened or avoiding the subject. Some will respond as if the event did not occur.

Intrusiveness. This often comes in the form of intrusive or repetitive thoughts, images, emotions and behaviors. People may be bothered by preoccupation, nightmares, hypervigilance and confusion. Intense emotional states can be experienced including rage, major depression, guilt, shame and anxiety. Children will likely display regression in academic performance and behavior.

Working Through. This is the longest period of recovery and will vary in length given the depth of impact on the individual and his or her family system. This requires that thoughts, feelings and images of the crisis be identified, expressed and aired. The grief process includes integrating new “realities” into preexisting assumptions about life and accepting a “new path.” Some people work through naturally on their own; others cannot work through without outside help. Seek help if you need it. Families also need help coping together and knowing how to support each other.

Completion. This occurs when the event has been fully integrated into the person’s life. Life is more stable and feelings are resolved. Recalling the event still may bring sadness or disbelief, but the crisis state and intensity of emotions are diminished.

Everyone grieves differently; there is no wrong way to grieve, Cooper said. Not everyone will grieve in the order listed or even go through each stage — and that’s OK.

“Many things in life that are unpredictable, but being able to recognize and understand some of our emotions can help us through the grieving process,” Cooper said. “People are resilient and even in difficult times will manage to not only survive, but thrive.”

For more information contact Cooper at kcoop@iastate.edu or (319) 377-9839, or contact your ISU Extension county office.

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http://www.extension.iastate.edu/news/2008/sep/120402.htm

Contacts: Kristi Cooper, ISU Extension family life field specialist, (319) 377-9839, kcoop@iastate.edu

Laura Sternweis, Extension Communications and External Relations, (515) 294-0775, lsternwe@iastate.edu